The 13 essential traits of good friends

Some people find it easier to establish and maintain friendships than others. And some of us yearn for closer friendships or try to understand why an existing or promising relationship has fizzled. In these cases, we may be the first to judge a friend’s behavior, rather than our own. We may forget that relationships are based on mutual interactions. So it is important to examine our own contribution to the dynamics of a friendship. We can only change our own behavior, and cultivating certain personal characteristics is essential to building healthy and lasting friendships.

To what extent do you agree with each statement?

1. I am trustworthy.
2. I am honest with others.
3. I am generally very reliable.
4. I am loyal to the people I care about.
5. I am easily able to trust others.
6. I feel and express empathy for others.
7. I am able to be non-judgmental.
8. I have good listening skills.
9. I support others in their good times.
10. I support others in their difficult times.
11. I have confidence in myself.
12. I am generally able to see the humor in life.
13. I am pleasant to be around.

These traits fall into three general categories, each representing a key aspect of relational behavior. If you don’t agree with many of these statements, you may find it difficult to form meaningful and lasting friendships.

Listed below is a description of the influence of each trait on relationships, organized according to the domain of behavioral expectations in which it fits:

These qualities, represented by the first five traits in the list above, are related to the core values of most cultures: trust, honesty, reliability, loyalty, and, as an interdependent quality, the ability to trust others.

• Trustworthiness is often the “clincher” in any interpersonal relationship. Any violation, no matter how small the perceived magnitude, can devastate a relationship. Reliability is composed of several elements, including honesty, trustworthiness, and loyalty, and while each is important to the success of a relationship, honesty and trustworthiness have been identified as the most vital in the realm of friendship.
• Honesty requires that we speak openly from our hearts and incorporate objectivity into our words.
• Being trustworthy means that friends can count on you to be there when you say you will, to do what you say you will, and to be willing to stand up for your friends, especially when they can’t do it themselves. If you are as likely to let your friends down as you are to stand up for them, the relationship often becomes shallow, less engaging, and even a source of resentment, when it doesn’t end completely.
• Loyalty is valued early on in all of our relationships, from our first friendships. We need friends who will not tell others our secrets, gossip about us, or allow others to criticize us.
• To be able to trust another person, you need to be comfortable with vulnerability. If you have trouble sharing your authenticity with a friend, it’s unlikely that they’ll be willing to do it for you.

Ces qualités, représentées par les traits de caractère énumérés aux numéros 6 à 10 ci-dessus, comprennent l’empathie, la capacité de ne pas porter de jugement, des capacités d’écoute efficaces et la capacité d’offrir un soutien dans les bons et les mauvais moments. Ces qualités exigent de la perspicacité, de l’autodiscipline et un respect positif inconditionnel pour nos amis.

• L’empathie est la capacité de comprendre ce qui se passe chez un ami, de reconnaître ce qu’il ressent, d’interagir et de réagir en conséquence.
• La capacité à ne pas porter de jugement reflète notre facilité à accepter les choix d’un ami, même s’ils sont différents des nôtres.
• Une bonne capacité d’écoute est essentielle pour permettre la communication de pensées, de sentiments et d’expériences intimes. Ce partage est un processus graduel de concessions qui s’approfondit avec le temps.
• Le fait de soutenir les autres dans leurs mauvais moments est une qualité essentielle d’un bon ami, mais il est tout aussi essentiel de soutenir les autres dans leurs bons moments. On dit que “tout le monde aime les gagnants”, mais pour certains d’entre nous, ce n’est pas le cas. Si vous avez du mal à célébrer la bonne fortune d’autrui et que vous éprouvez de l’envie ou même de l’amertume, cela peut limiter la profondeur de vos amitiés.

This group, represented by the last three traits listed above, includes self-confidence, the ability to see the humor in life, and being pleasant to be around. This trio of traits has also been associated with general well-being and happiness in life.

• Confidence is an attractive characteristic in any friend, and can even be contagious. When we are in the company of confident people, we usually feel our own confidence increase.
• People who are pleasant to be around are better company than friends who walk around with a dark cloud over their heads. The former enjoy life, proactively meet challenges and put negative experiences into perspective.
• People who have the ability to see the humor in life help us deal with the curveballs (or pellets) that life throws at us. We all benefit from friends who can keep us from taking life too seriously.

Before you can increase your friendship quotient, you must admit that the need exists.

Remember : Everyone brings a different level of the 13 characteristics to their relationships. However, best friends offer a generous portion of all 13 characteristics. Take an honest look at your own behaviors and see if you need to increase your “friendship quotient” to be more likely to have the close relationships you want.

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