Sometimes, you and your friend don’t get along as well as you used to.
You may need to end a friendship with someone you love, regardless of whether the relationship is strained or toxic.
You may feel like you and your friend are not getting along anymore, that there is less to talk about, or that they are taking from your life rather than adding to it.
You can tell if a relationship is not working . But when it comes to breaking up with someone, it’s much easier said than done. Sometimes, however, there are signs that it is time to leave a friend.
Kailee Place, a licensed counselor (LPC), told Business Insider by email that “we need to connect and create a pack around ourselves.” She is a private practitioner at Shifting Tides Therapeutic Solutions in Charleston, South Carolina. We can have different friends that serve different purposes, from those who enjoy adventures to those who are more homebody-like – but healthy friendships allow us all to be ourselves, to feel loved and comfortable.
Ms. Place says that friendships that work are characterized by having a friend who makes you feel loved and supported. Sometimes friendships can turn sour and it’s hard to break ties with friends. However, keeping toxic friends around is exhausting. It’s better to break ties and seek out people who support and appreciate you.
Place is a good friend. If you are unsure whether to break ties with someone, these are 9 signs that it’s time to say goodbye, according to therapists.
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1. Friendship is constantly one-sided
All relationships should be two-way. If a friendship becomes stale, it might be time to part ways.
Place stated that if you spend energy on someone who doesn’t give you the same treatment, it is not mutual friendship. If your friend is not available when you are in need or going through difficult times, it is time to say goodbye.
2. They betray your trust
Trust is an essential part of any relationship. Once it’s gone, it’s difficult to rebuild it.
” There are major and minor betrayals in friendships that hurt trust,” Melody Li (an Austin-based licensed marriage-family therapist (LMFT), relationship specialist, and cofounder of the Austin Counseling Collective told Business Insider via email.
Melody Li stated that it doesn’t matter if the injury is minor and the friend shows regret and has a plan to rebuild trust, then the friend can try again. However, it should be done with caution. She said Major betrayals, such as cheating on the friend or seducing her significant other, are red flags. ” It’s possible that this relationship is not worth re-exploring.
3. They don’t keep your secrets
Jill Whitney is a licensed marriage-and-family therapist (LMFT), who writes about relationships, and sexuality. You need to trust your friend to keep your secrets. Business Insider was contacted by Whitney to say that she needed to be able trust her friends to keep your secrets safe.
She said that many things you share won’t be private. If your friend is willing to share these things with others, it will probably be okay. Whitney said, “But if it’s clear that you don’t want to share a particular thing, any decent friend will respect this.”
4. They are too negative and pessimistic
Although everyone experiences good and bad times, it is possible for to tell your friend to cut the cord.
” If a friend is always negative and doesn’t make an effort to change it, it might be time to distance yourself,” Place stated. While most people are compassionate and empathic towards others, particularly friends, it is important to take care of your own health first. She says that if you feel down about a friend, it is reasonable to either spend less time with them or to get away.
5. You have few or no topics of conversation
Sometimes friends can drift apart. It doesn’t matter if you have less in common, or if your life circumstances have changed. This could be a sign that you are not able to talk about anymore.
Whitney stated, ” A perfectly good friend and you can just drift apart.” Although you may have been close in the past, your paths are now so different that it is awkward to get together.
Whitney suggested that you talk about your lives and focus on something you still enjoy to save the friendship. Whitney added, “But you might decide to invest less in the friendship instead.”
6. They create or attract drama
If your friend is always experiencing drama in their life , it can negatively affect your friendship with that person. Place stated that these types of friends may seem fun for a while, with lots of things happening – but then it becomes apparent that chaos follows them.” ” It is possible that their relationships seem unhealthy or chaotic.
Place suggests asking yourself whether this friendship is mutually supportive and genuine, or if it’s just a desire to have fun or drama. She added that “and, sooner or later you’ll become part of the chaos rather than just a spectator.”
Whitney is also in agreement. Whitney agreed. They will entice you into their story of woe . They blame everyone for their problems or lose their job. But they complain that they are broke. She says that you can help them out of compassion but they don’t listen to your advice and their problems will continue.
7. They are passive-aggressive when you tell them no
It will come up from time to time that you need to say no to a friend. Place suggests it’s important that you observe how your friend reacts when you say no. Place says it’s important to see how they react when you have to say “no.”
She said, “Sometimes life happens. You need to take time for yourself. That’s okay.” It’s not healthy for a friend to get bitter because you take the time for yourself. A friend will support you and help you understand when it’s important to be yourself.
8. It does not take into account when you raise a problem
There is no perfect friendship. You and your friend need to be able to share your concerns when one feels hurt . If you are unable to do this, it could be a sign of a problem in your friendship.
Whitney stated, “An immature friend might say you’re wrong or react too quickly.” ” He might immediately blame you and refuse to take responsibility.
She said that while they might not agree with you on a particular topic , they will listen. She said, “They care about you feelings and your points of view.” Friends who are unable to have a balanced discussion about the issues in their relationship might not be worth keeping.
9. They make you feel worse, not better
If you are with a friend, it should make you feel better , not worse . It may be time for you to end your friendship.
Whitney stated, ” If you notice that you feel worse when you are with certain friends, it’s time to take a hard look at. Whitney suggests considering the following factors: Are they constantly comparing you to yourself or other people? Are they always pointing out your faults? Are they making fun of you in a “Oh, I’m kidding but it’s still hurtful” way?